Struggling with Being a Hipster

I must get this down.  This is to be my mental therapy for a while.  You all know my life needed to be spring cleaned and this is still true.  However, that pesky little hip surgery got in the way first.  The first two weeks after the surgery were blissful!  I spent two week lying in a bed in front of the TV with the entire series of The West Wing.  I really was in heaven.  I used my kids’ plastic shopping cart as my personal dolly.  I placed a big tray on top of it and was able to push things from the kitchen to my bed in the living room.  I thought I was quite ingenious to come up with the idea.  I could move stuff with ease all around the entire living area of our house.  On crutches with 20% weight bearing for the first week.  Switched to 50% weight bearing – still no problems. I honestly believed at this point that I would be walking off of those crutches and not looking back.  That is how great I felt at that time.

Went for follow-up at 10 days and I almost felt blown off.  My husband says that he didn’t feel that at all.  But I did, and that is all that matters!  I was essentially told that He, yes my OS is a He, couldn’t do more for me.  All my issues were related to the dysplasia and he couldn’t do anything for that.  He had already told me I wasn’t a candidate for the much more traumatic surgery, periacetabular osteotomy. I had really wanted to revisit this with him, and perhaps I still will.  See how much courage I can muster up before my next visit.

I was sent home to wean off crutches.  Two crutches full weight bearing was just fine and I could have gone on doing that forever.  But I had to go to one crutch and then none.  The first day of none was fine, but I was very sore that night.  The second day of none was even worse.  And once I was back at work with my butt planted firmly in a chair all day, things kind of went to hell.  There was no progression at all.

So today I finally had my next visit with him.  To be honest, I was very nervous to see him again.  I was afraid I was going to be blown off again, assuming the first time wasn’t all in my head.  Once again, I had almost talked myself in to needing a periacetabular osteotomy.  So I went in feeling someone down, thinking he wasn’t going to be interested in treating me any more.  Well, I couldn’t have been further from the truth.

He showed nothing but concern for my pain.  He isn’t sure it is all coming from inside the joint and the local anesthetic that he game only seemed to produce some relief.  Lots of what could only be compensatory pain remained even after the shot.  He also aspirated the joint before he put in the local and the steroid.  Not sure which two meds he used so I must ask next time.  He again emphasized that the pre-arthritic changes we more symptomatic than they appear on film.  I got to see the pictures that were taken during my scope – no labral tear, big, nasty looking bruise in the labrum.  Psoas tendon shiny and white, psoas tendon being cut by the blade, effusion in the joint.  He spent the rest of the time telling me that I should wait 6 – 12 months and then be reassessed for a total hip replacement.  This is where my brain stopped working like a normal persons brain.  I totally shut down this idea and refused to believe it.  It was denial at its most spectacular!  Of course I wasn’t realizing it at the time.  It was only afterwards on the way home that my husband pointed it all out to me.  I came away feeling like a total jerk.  I have early stages of arthritis.  It isn’t going to get better.  The steroid should give some relief.  Not sure for how long.  And then what?  Why wouldn’t I be a candidate for PAO?  That is what they are doing for symptomatic hips.  What make me specifically an non-candidate?  Should it matter?  Its a huge surgery and what will it buy me?  Will I lose as much from the recovery as I would gain from going straight to THR?  I just don’t know.  I need help.

Please tell me of your experiences with these things.  Thank you.

The Old New Me

I was doing so well.  I was off the booze, off the Lortabs, off the Ambien.   Life was starting to look better, feel fresher and I was sleeping OK. My semester ended on a high note.  So what, you may ask, is the problem?

Put simply, I do not do injuries well.  When you take away my exercise, you also take away my mental health therapy.  Add to this the fact that the weight stacks on quickly when I am not exercising.  I have gained about 10 lbs in the last couple of months.  Fortunately, I have a consult with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday.  I want resolution.  I don’t want months more of conservative treatment.  Clearly, conservative treatment isn’t working.  I am ready to confront this thing head-on.  My MRA shows a labral tear and detachment.  Again, no mention of osteoarthritis.  I will be interested to find out from the OS if he thinks I have any OA.

So here I go again, time to spring clean myself.  Actually, if I am honest with myself, the booze hasn’t been much of a problem, and neither has the Lortab.  I take it because I am in pain.  The problem is that I am on a narc contract and taking it for the hip (which is not why it is prescribed) makes me feel like a junkie.  After Monday, I will be able to contact my neurologist and perhaps do away with the narcs for the time being.  If I am given a cortisone shot in the hip, I shouldn’t need pain meds for a while.  This would be good because if I need surgery, I don’t want to have any degree of tolerance to any of these drugs.

I really feel for those who are worse off than me.  This is the first time that I have ever been totally restricted due to mechanical failure!  And I am proving to be a great big baby.  Yes, there are other forms of exercise I could do, but I have a 3 and a 5 year old and most other forms of exercise take a lot more time than going for a jog or lifting weights in the basement.  Somehow, I need to find a happy medium.  I am still searching.

A Little Bit of Anxiety

Over the winter, I did what many less serious triathletes and runners do, I cross-trained. I am definitely a fair-weather runner/cyclist. I also find it difficult to find those daylight hours for exercising outdoors during the school semester. Say hello to Zumba. I had fun. I sweated. I laughed. I groaned. I made new friends. Fast forward a few weeks of only going once a week and I discovered a new pain in my right hip. Now hip pain isn’t new to me. I have had ongoing issues with my hips since about 2005. But it was always “bursitis”. Two primary care docs and two orthopedic/sports docs said so. So I went with the flow. Cortisone injections did seem to help for a few days. Voltarin pills got me through my first marathon. But I digress. This Zumba-induced pain was new and it was different enough from over-use injuries that plague most distance athletes, that I sought medical attention once again. I was referred to a family practice doctor who specializes in sports medicine. He promptly referred me to an athletic trainer for exercises. I thought this was a bit odd but went with the flow once again. It didn’t take me long to figure out that this wasn’t helping. I sent out a call to my friends on Facebook and was hooked up with a PT who specializes in this type of thing. She saw me FOR FREE! Wow. When the heck does that ever happen? So I offered to teach a class for her if she needed me to. And I have always said that I have nothing to trade!

Long story short, my insurance company finally authorized me to visit an out-of-network orthopedic surgeon. This is just such good news that you are probably wondering what is up with the title of this post. Well, put your hand up if you have ever had an MRA of the hip, or anywhere really. They take a big long needle and insert it into your hip joint and inject dye. Then they stick you in the MRI machine for about half an hour. I am not so concerned about being in the MRI. It is the long pointy thing they want to jab into my joint. I am feeling a bit sick just thinking about it. I cannot sleep just thinking about it (and this explains why I am up blogging instead of sleeping at 12:30 PM when I need to be up at 6 AM in the morning). So there it is. My little bit of anxiety.

Day 3, The Irritables

If I could get any more irritable, I could be mistaken for a woman on Clomid (at least that is what my friends tell me about that awful, yet wonderful fertility drug). Combine PMS with perimenopause with low-grade detox with lack of sleep and that gives you an idea of what my poor husband has to live with at the moment. Today I was so irritable that had we stayed in for the evening, I’d have chewed through everyone! To disguise my infliction as best possible, I cleaned out our fish tank (all the Neon Tetras died) and dragged the family first to CiCi’s for dinner and then next door to PetCo for new fish. This time I got smart and read up on fish before buying them. Turns out the perfect fish for my 5 year old is the Zebra Danio. We how have 5 very robust-looking zebras swimming around a very clean tank. I am proud of myself!

I know you are all wondering how I did with the drugs today and I will tell you. Day three of no booze and day three of no Ambien. However, have I mentioned the arthritis to you yet? I am sure I have as my husband tells me that I repeat myself all the time. Anyway, here it is again. I have recently diagnosed osteoarthritis in my hips and possibly my knees. I suspect spinal involvement too but that is just me guessing. My sports doc told me to keep running. He’d prefer I did lower volume running than cycling or swimming. So I did my little 2 mile run yesterday and today my hip sucks. Since I am already maxed out on NSAIDs, the only pain meds I can take for it are the Lortabs. So I did succumb to the pain and took two of my precious migraine meds for my hip. The smart thing to do would be to have my neurologist and sports medicine team talk to each other so they can figure out a way for me to treat all of my pain. Instead I am struggling to make what I have work for everything. I am not feeling guilty for taking the Lortab. But it does only leave me with 6 pills until mid-April. Despite the setback, I plan to do another 2 mile jog in the morning. If exercising is what I am supposed to be doing, then that is what I will do. Let’s face it, the best prophylaxis for my migraines is running.

Let’s talk about my weight. I feel as though I need to start thinking about taking some very positive steps towards losing some. I don’t like my current weight (which is up 2 lbs since I first started this blog a few days ago). If I go public, perhaps I will find the strength to stop eating a pro-diabetes and obesity diet. So, the alcohol is mostly gone. Now I need to work on cutting out unhealthy snacks. I have been pretty good with this but I usually blow it on the weekends. I while back I joined Weight Watchers online. I was amazed at how good their current plan is. The free fruit and vegetables were such a clever thing to do. For those of you not in the know, this means that you can eat as many fruit and vegetables as you want and they don’t count towards your daily food allowance. As someone who would rather not eat fruit, this was revolutionary for me. I could snack all I wanted, as long as it was fruit! And, not being a fruit person, I didn’t over do it. So this is where I have to go.

I also decided not too long ago that if I actually paid extra to buy organic food, perhaps I would waste less and eat less. I am going to stick with this theory for a while because I think I might be on to something! I have just come off a bad weekend and this week isn’t looking too good so far so I will have to re-initiate this latest of my bright ideas. Since I already plan to have a breakfast casserole for dinner tomorrow (home-grown eggs by the way- or is that home laid?) so I will begin again tomorrow. I really need to see my weight go down. I am outgrowing my closet and before long, I will not even have my “fat clothes” to choose from. Sigh. Need I say it? YO YO!

Day 2: Make Me or Break Me Day

Usually on day two of a detox, I have convinced myself that I am not a problem drinker and that one beer after work isn’t going to hurt. And so, I have that one beer! Today I didn’t do it! I almost did because let’s face it, I felt like one. Just one. And I probably would have had just one. I don’t seem to need to keep going with beer like I do with wine. But, for two reasons, I didn’t reach for the beer. The first being that I am determined to do this. The second being, there is no beer in the house LOL. There is however, Black Cherry Lemonade which is very, very good. I don’t even like cherry flavored stuff but this stuff is gooooood!

Also on day two is the no unnecessary ingestion of Lortab. This was a pretty big battle today for two reasons. First, I had a headache. Wasn’t bad, but was annoying, and like all headaches, it had the potential to transform into a migraine. But I was feeling as though it probably wouldn’t, and I was correct. Second, I went for a 2 mile run this morning. Finally decided to check out the hip to see if any of my exercises were working. Turns out that 8 days of strengthening exercises and stretches do not help at all. By late afternoon, my hip was considerably painful. Now, instead of taking Lortab (I only have 8 left until sometime next month), I took Panadeine. This is an over-the-counter medicine available in Australia that contains acetaminophen and codeine. The codeine is in ridiculously miniscule doses which I doubt have any greater effect than the acetaminophen alone, but I took it just the same. I needed to at least try for a placebo effect. At least the pain got me on the phone making all sorts of appointments around town to try to sort this out.

Tonight I would like to introduce a third addiction of mine – Ambien. I have had sleep-onset insomnia all my life. This was a real problem as a kid and now it is just a real nuisance. Ambien changed my life. I could finally sleep again. I don’t even care if I am addicted to the stuff. There is just one problem with it, it DESTROYS my short term memory and probably has other more subtle effects on cognitive function. So, it is best for me not to keep it in the house. I have prescription refills that will give me enough for 1 a months for the next 3 months but for now, I am not filling it. I want to, but unless I can limit myself to using it only once or twice a week, I refuse to keep it in the house. Tonight will be night 2 without Ambien. In its place I have lorazepam (Ativan). This drug is OK. I use it sometimes. I believe that while I am detoxing from alcohol, Ambien and probably hydrocodone, popping a couple of lorazepams a night is probably a very sound thing to do. I don’t really notice its anxiolytic effects but I think I sleep better with it onboard. Eventually, my goal is to be drug-free except for when needed for the migraines and the arthritis.

I was the crankiest mom you could ever imagine tonight. I knew I was going to be. What with the premenstrual stuff going on which is probably also perimenopausal stuff AND detox, what can you expect? I feel a little sorry for my adorable little boys and a lot sorry for my lovely husband. They get the raw end of the deal when mommy/wifey is like this. But I can promise you all that I do not neglect my children or my husband. They are well taken care of both physically and emotionally. I am also the major breadwinner in this household and have managed to raise us to the social status of “soccer mom family”. Big house, big cars, big vacations, too many toys, a dog, a cat, a hamster and fish. Three fish at the moment. Just put 5 neon tetras into a 10 gal tank and two died right away. The other three look great so hears to hoping that they remain that way.

Ah, but blogging is therapeutic. Every time I thought about a drink or medicine today, I thought about my blog. Heck, no one has even read it yet but just the thought that it is public makes me want to stick to my guns. Now I just need some followers who can encourage or flame me. Tomorrow is going to be a great day!